Today I felt awful in late morning because of pictures posted by our cell group friend.
I knew it's sound funny but in the picture, they gathered and had dinner together without inviting me and hubby. I felt so left out and started to have negative thought about myself.
What people seeing me as?
Do I look like egoistic human?
Am I not genuine enough?
Why we seldom received dinner invitation?
Am I weird one?
Today was my 8th fasting and praying for my friend's mom who's battling with cancer as well as my friend's pregnancy who's not in the good shape.
I felt that my efforts were wasted, even though I prayed and fasted for them, it seemed that they never regard me as their close friends.
When I went to gym, my mind was still puzzling and twirling. I tried to comfort myself, however I had a thousand questions on my mind WHY ?
During bus ride home. I tried to understand myself
At first, What I felt currently ? why I felt that way ?
Why should I be disappointed to them ?
I realised that perhaps I was so attached to myself.
I want to look good and people look me up as perfect and generous person with lots of friends.
Disappointment means that I'm not genuine enough when I give myself to them and I may ask something in return like "thank you" or become their part of friend circle.
Unconditional gift meaning we give ourselves eventhough we may not receive any appreciation and worse rejection.
In the end, I gave thanks to God that He purified me and my interior motive.
When He corrected me, it's not easy feeling but I know it's for the good of my life.
Comments
Post a Comment