Gratitude :
I thank God for today beautiful day, it's not raining either sunny, it's just nice cooling day
I thank God that I am able to exercise with my friend and my children
I thank God that I am having the quiet time this morning to pray for my husband
I thank God that I am able to do my household chores this half of the day
What I failed to do :
Lord, please have mercy on me when I fail to control my emotion to my children.
I threaten them by hitting them if they are not sleeping soon.
Reading : John 13 : 1 - 17
Jesus Washes His Disciples’ Feet
13 It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had comefor him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.
2 The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. 3 Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God;4 so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”
7 Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
8 “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”
9 “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”
10 Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” 11 For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
The Grace I ask for : able to love
The Prayer Method : Ignatian Contemplation
Reflection
When I started my afternoon deep intimacy with God, I found it difficult because I'm still thinking about yesterday night incident when I told the truth about what God wants us to do as parents and instead of agreeing with me, he's still insisting that his way and even criticising me that sometimes I raise voice to the kids that annoy him. After that, I just keep quiet the whole night and ask God whether I have done the right thing or even make it worse.
Then this morning, I also received another news about failed marriage from the artists that I know from the social media, they look happily but in the end they are in the process of divorce. It makes me sad and thinking that how fragile we are and our marriage.
When I see my husband now, the way he wants to use to discipline the kids, I kinda disagree with him but I know it's because he also wounded thus I only can empathise and pray for him. And if God didn't prompt me last Tuesday, our marriage may end up like them. We look happily in the surface but deep down there's a wound that needs to be healed and one of us can't just give up on each other.
So after all those things, I started to do breathing technique and went deeper again.
I read the passage again and again and the verse that captured my eyes is
"He had always loved those in the world who were his own, and he loved them to the very end."
As I read the passage, I was intrigued and imagined myself as Judas.
We were still talking with other disciples about what Jesus have done and Jesus looked his disciples one by one with loving gaze.
When devil prompted Judas to betray Jesus, I imaged myself that this devil voice is not straight forward kinda of thing, it's gentle and soft and it looks like truth too. Betraying is more like strong words, but devil instruction is TESTING HIM. Judas were with other disciples when Jesus performed the miracles, healing people, and even people were hailing Jesus as the King, so Judas feel that even if he gives the opportunity for high priests to capture Jesus, He can free himself.
When I am still contemplating with this thought that Jesus suddenly got up from the seat, open his robe and took the basin and filled it with water. He then took a cloth and put in his waist.
All of us suddenly went quiet and wondering what He wanted to do. In our surprise, He started washing each of our feet. And when He came to me, He washed my feet so gently and kiss my feet after that He looked upon me right in my eyes and said I love you and His eyes were like telling me that I have forgiven you. I couldn't hold my tears when He said that. Those words were going straight into the deepest of my heart.
After He finished washing each of our feet, He explained that what he has just done is that the act of love and instruct us to perform the same to others.
I felt so much loved.
Then, I asked Him about the yesterday incident, whether I have done the right or wrong thing because when I spoke the truth, it's not kinda reaction that I expected from my husband and what I should do.
He then told me that I know it's not an easy task where people want to change to be "New Person" but people are still looking at the as "Old Person" especially when you want to put an effort to make the right thing but in the end you failed again and again.
He said, you know sometimes you don't need to say anything. Just do it.
Ask God's grace to help you to do the right thing. Slowly he will see the truth from your action.
In the end, I ask for a grace to love and see Jesus in my family, in my children who sometimes make me burning mad, in my husband who sometimes have different way of thinking.
And back to the story again, when I felt so much loved from Him, I abolished my plan to test Him.
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