Rest in God

Finally, I have time to write this journal again.

The business has quieted down now that the winter season has ended and spring has begun. On top of that, the war that broke out in Iran has caused many flight disruptions, especially for Middle Eastern carriers. Many flights have been cancelled, affecting tourists around the world who are in transit. Once again, ordinary people’s lives are disrupted by events far beyond their control.

As things slow down, it gives me time to pause, rethink my strategy, redirect my life, and recharge my spirituality.

Last night I felt completely overwhelmed.

Our car’s COE is expiring at the end of May, and we are facing a dilemma: should we extend the COE for another five years or rent a car first before eventually buying a new one?

We do not want the car to become a liability. Yet at the same time, I need a car to support my tuition work and my business.

After much careful consideration and prayer, I decided to apply to become a private hire driver. It is not a glamorous job, and it is certainly not the career I want to pursue long-term. However, working a corporate job with fixed hours is not an option either, because I still have my tuition classes and my ongoing business to manage.

So I told myself: being a private hire driver is not so bad. I can meet many people, hear their stories, and perhaps even share about my business, WinterBuddy, along the way.

I have already passed the medical test and will be attending the course in about three weeks.

But yesterday, during a discussion with my husband—and even after calculating things with ChatGPT—the dilemma surfaced again.

To earn around SGD 3,000 to 4,000 a month, I would likely need to work at least 10–12 hours a day for about 25 days a month, targeting the peak hours from 6–11am and 5–10pm.

When I realized that, my first thought went to our youngest son.

He is now in Primary 5 and preparing for PSLE. I still want to be there for him after school. On top of that, my tuition classes are on Monday and Tuesday evenings.

The weight of all these thoughts hit me at once. That is why I broke down last night and felt so overwhelmed.

This morning, I sat quietly in meditation and prayer.

That was when grace came.

I cried my heart out and released the anxiety and burden I had been carrying. Then gently, a thought came to me: list down what you already have and be grateful.

So I started listing them one by one.

As I did that, I felt a wave of peace and positive energy returning.

I told God: I already have everything I need. What You have given me is more than I ever asked for.

A faithful, responsible, and loving husband.
Children who are mature, kind, and generous.
A harmonious family.
A roof over our heads that is fully paid.
A car that has served us well.
Talents and gifts that I can use to help others.
The business and work that allow me to serve through acts of love and mercy.
And the customers that God has entrusted to me.

Then Psalm 23 came to mind.

As I read it aloud, tears flowed again—but this time they were tears of peace and joy.

I truly felt grace surrounding me. My heart felt healed, and the burden I carried was lifted.

Today, I simply want to rest in that moment.

To rest in God.

To trust Him completely.

I know God is able to provide what I need. He knows exactly what I need for my business and for my daily life.

If my earthly father, with all his human imperfections and weaknesses, was willing to provide more than what I asked for, then surely God—my Creator—can do far more than that.