This week has felt like a spiritual roller coaster for me. There were moments when I felt lifted up, full of positive energy and hope. But there were also moments when I felt very low, overwhelmed by negative thoughts and confusion. It feels like a spiritual battle happening inside my heart.
On one side, I feel deeply grateful for everything I already have. I am blessed with good health, a loving husband, kind and mature children, and a harmonious family. We have a roof over our heads and a car that serves our daily needs—even though it will expire in two months.
Yet on the other side, I sometimes feel restless and inadequate, as if I am not contributing enough financially to our household.
My business has been slowing down as we approach summer. I am uncertain about the demand for winter rentals in June and July for destinations like Australia and New Zealand, since their winters are milder compared to places like Japan or Northern Europe.
Another concern on my mind is our storage space. By the end of April, I need to decide whether to renew the current storage unit or move to a new one. I’ve been viewing several options and found a possible place in Ubi that could work if the current landlord increases the rent.
I really love my current storage because of its convenient location and good facilities. I’m hoping they will offer a reasonable renewal price. Otherwise, I may have to go through the hassle of moving everything to a new place.
I’ve also been thinking about whether we should continue employing our domestic helper when her contract ends this October. If we choose not to renew, we could save about SGD 800 each month. But of course, that means I would need to spend two to three hours daily doing the cleaning, cooking, and other household chores.
Another option would be for me to find a day job that could cover the cost of her salary, and perhaps help with expenses like renewing or replacing our car.
Yesterday, I attended a private hire driver course to obtain the license. But after completing the course, I realized that it may not be the right time for me to pursue that path. Our youngest son will be preparing for his PSLE next year, and I want to be present during this important period of his life.
If I drive only part-time, it probably won’t cover the operational costs. We would need to convert our personal car into a commercial vehicle, upgrade the insurance, and the work typically requires long hours—from early morning until late at night.
Still, the course was an eye-opener for me. It gave me a glimpse into the daily realities of private hire drivers and the dedication their work requires.
Right now, I feel like I am standing at a crossroads, wondering what my next step should be.
For the moment, it seems that no new doors have opened yet. Perhaps this season of my life is meant for me to continue being a stay-at-home mom while nurturing our winter wear rental business as a side hustle.
And maybe, just maybe, this quiet season is preparing me for something I cannot yet see.
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