Awakening Call

Yesterday ( 5th September) was awakening call for me. It's supposed to be the day I was looking forward happily as I was promised to be given salary increment in September.

Alas, what I got was the opposite which was disappointment. I was enraged because the management said another thing to postpone the salary increment which was promised in the month of June. I knew it's a verbal agreement but for me it's a matter of principle to honour what you have said.

Yes, I ever made a mistake as well and tried to mitigate the damage however in this case, I felt that I was bullied and taken advantage of the timing, energy and resources that I had.

I have spent so much time, energy and resources to make it happen to excel beyond what's expected and instead of the reward, the shift the goal post.

However, despite all these disappointment feeling, I thank God as it's awakening call for me.

Today, I took leave as I went for mini retreat with our second son who's going to receive holy communion.

And during the mini retreat, there's a reflection question

"What do you need to let go to have a relationship with Christ as a daughter of God ?"

I knew that I have been holding the job so tightly and put the priority upside down. Even though I pray and go to the weekly mass, but my thought is always about the job.

I was so attached with it and regard God as vending machine that I only pray what I want to happen instead of knowing and doing His will.

The pride and anxiety consumed my soul thus I became an arrogant person. I thought that this is my doing instead of God's blessings. I became so attached with it thus when I didn't get what I want, I feel disappointment.

And I always thought that what I have is not enough thus I become less generous, calculative and not trusting God's providence.

So when the sister asked in the end of the reflection, what do you need to let go ?

I could answer my pride and anxiety.

I will slow down my pace, putting God first in my thought, soul and life and let Him put everything back into the right place.

As I know this company is not in the stabilize position, I also plan to open my door for back up plan.

I don't know when it will happen, but I will prepare myself mentally to embark to the new journey.

However, as long as I am still working to this company, I will be committed to do the best I could but won't over exert myself.